late nights spent alone

Alone; sitting in my dark damp basement. I can hear noises coming from upstairs.. noises of someone sleeping, of a furness and of running water. These things don't concern me. I'm tired; sick. Sick and tired, tired and sick, it makes no difference. I'm done with people like him. God bless his lonely life... may God keep him company in these days of greif, but I'm afriad to. I'm afraid that if I stay to close, his sickness; depression, will wear off on me. And I won't have any of it. I've tried, I have! Don't accuse me of not trying, you don't konw me, you don't know my thoughts, my actions. You see what goes on at school. I lead two lives, and this one is becoming more and mroe sketch. I used to be afraid of my school life.. walking around alone.. but I've never felt so alone than here at home. I know God will always be with me, I know he'll hold me tight and allow me to cry on his shoulder, but sometimes it's nice to have a human shoulder too. But I can not even cry here anymore. It's not safe. If I show my weakness, what then? What then will become of this weary body I manage to survive in?

Wispers of evil fill my ear. Soft;sweat wispers of nothingness. I hate it. I want to get away, for a day, for a weekend, for a month I DON'T CARE! GOD please just get me out. So much pain all around me, I feel trapped. No, it's not you. I love you.. I do. Don't acuse me saying I don't; cause I do.

It's late; i have a head ache like none other.. So i'm going to watch some TV maybe. I feel hot, but i'm shivering. I'm tense but i'm so tired. More noise. Voices.. please God get me out... I don't want to fall again.