The indifference of the world

I'm not sure what that title means, but it sounded cool running through my mind.

I've been finding a bunch of scripture lately to do with whats going on in my life and it is awesome. I love God so much, and want to fully rely on him for everything... I want to go to Sweden. But i'll continue to pray about it, and see if thats where i am to go.

She came up to me in the hall today and said Janelle and I seemed mad at 'him'. I said yes... cause we are... not at him..but because of what he said..and how he approached it. Rude... but thats okayy.. Christ's love be poured over him.. And the conversation we will soon have.

God,

Help us not to spaz out while having this topic brought up, please just calm all hearts and help it end well. I'm tired of this God, you know that...please let it come to an end soon. I'm tired. I'm done. Help. God just be with us all this week... Give us compassion and mercy, grace and love. I love you Lord.

In your name.

DOT

Another rainy day

Another rainy day, i can't recall having sunshine on my face. But when I get stuck, when I can't move.. when I don't Know what I should do...I gotta keep singing. I gotta keep praising your name. Your the reason this heart is beating. ----- M. W. Smith

*sigh* what to do with my life...gosh

4:44

This is what time it is.. cool eh?

Brandon Jazz

I sat with Stephanie...and i'm glad i did. We had a lot of fun!

This weekend was great... we saw the hornheads - an instrumental jazz group - and they were bloody amazing. They have recorded on over 100 albums, and were invited to play at the grammy's but couldn't cause they had a show in LA. They are fricken awesome ... so good.

TNJ preformed at 8 in the morning..so it was an early day.. and only we were there to watch them, but they did so well!!! It was amazing-- i love TNJ. Than By Design went at 3 and we did alright... not the best but still pretty good compared to other gorups i guess :) .... and there were plenty to watch us. THan Desafinato preformed very last...we closed the festival at 5 30..and no one was there...kinda depressing..but really good. Our clinic was better for combo than it was By Design.. We learned a lot. IT went soooo good.

I love music... and i don't know what i'm going to do next year when i don't have that with me... I know it will always be a part of me..but i mean... what i'm going to do when i don't have choir.. and such. This was my last Brandon Jazz EVER. *tear*

I love choir.

Wedding Dream

This was a good dream...kinda of. It wasn't scary, noone chased me, killed me, kidnapped me, or hurt me in any way, and I didn't do anything hurtful...really... to anyone either! IT was a beaut.

SO... i was in a hurry to get married cause ..idk why. But i was the age i am now, 17, and was very excited. My dress was beautiful. But i'm getting ahead of myself.

I met this boy named guy. (haha origianal i know..i can get so creative in my dreams lol) He was beautiful..dark hair, brilliant eyes, tall, built, and he could mmake me laugh so easily. We spent a whole day together once we met..just walking around and talking and such....and he introduced me to his brother....

Guy said that we should get married..like me and his bro...so before i knew it .. i was planning the wedding. Alison came home, cousins flew in...it was cool...everyone was there. I tried on my dress..and itwas perfect.. i need to find a dress exactly like it for my real wedding haha. ANYway, as i was planning, Guy came up behind me and held me cause i was stressed and told me it would be okayy.... :) ...

The day came finally and i stood at the back for some reason watching... it was very untraditional wedding, and i don't remember planning anything that happend. but it was funnn... afterward (it was in my church) GUys bro and i were walking and he said something that made me upset. OH and he only had one leg hahaha... he had crutches,, not sure what happend. anyway- i started walking away and he followe.d..( we're married now...not sure if i said that) so than we started talking, and i realized he didnt like to laugh. I didn't even know the man i just said i do to. I was in shock and started crying..all these people came and i knew we had to call it off somehow..but he got that to. We hugged..and he said..find guy,... he's the guy you want to marry.

So...idk what happend..we tlaked to epople and i found guy... and he just picked me up and held me.. and it was fun.. .we laughed..and he asked me to marry him.. ( i was in my wedding dress still) and of course i said yes...and thna he was like "well this will be easy to do right now if you want, my family and yours are already here..." so guy and his bro switched possistions and we got married...and it was funnn. and i loved him... than i woke up.

I want to marry a guy like guy. ...but maybe a different name haha. he was perfect tho...for real. it was awesome...WHAT A HAPPY DREAM!!! ...for the most part hahaha.

Wednesday

Tomorow i go to regina for band.

I memorized my festival songs today.

Paige and Juanita helped me choreograph my broadway.

One day maybe I'll be on broadway.

I've always wanted to see a broadway.

hmmmm...

Sunday sUnday suNday

Yesterday (Saturday) I hung out with Jerrim, Dana, Chyenne, James, and than for a bit Logan and Brady. IT was so much fuN!!! haha- call me a nerd but they're hilarious... we went pop can golfing..so much fun haha.. yea.. good times. but we were really loud..and afraid the cops were going to catch us... not that we know what would have happend if they saw us hahah. anyway

Today was Sunday... i did special music. it went pretty solid i'd say... yup. And than I hung with Janelle and Juanita and Amanda and myself... :) that was fun! I do love those girls! and than... uh... oh we went to juanitas...and i wore andrews sweater (hehe) .... haha yup..

And than i hung with Jerrim and got our broadway figured out.. and than hit up super.. and hit up bydesign which wasn't too bad..wasn't great tho..
than Janelle and I went out with Trent!!! That was fuN! I love that kid. He's basically awesome. yup true story.

anyway this is a pointless one.. just wanted to catch up.

OH and some of my friends are being lame. -- no names..but i have this anger issue with them cause of what all they said.. so if y'all could pray that my anger subsides when i see them.. and that i can you know..like...talk without yelling or saying things i'll regret..or like.. idk.. i guess i just need prayer.. March is a busy mess without highschool drama...with it..its just a bigger mess thats not as easy to clean..and its all sticky and ewwwy and just GROSE! haha just kidding.. anyway i'm like..tired... so maybe i'll go. like..ya. like..like...i went puddle jumping and it was fun

today we also found a roller coster right here in swift current! WOO..

ya.

abscent minded

last night as the clock rolled onto 11 we decided to head out to Medicine Hat. Fun times had by all as we drove with Coreys car out for the two hour drive having no real destination. We got there, picked up some pants for karluf from an aunties house... and than scrambled for change for gas to get home. A total of 20 minuites spent in the Hat... got hom at like.. quarter to 4. Good times had by all.. haha. Wow.. what a good night.

I love randomness.

We also went bowling here in swift.. that was fun... it's all automatic now...crazyness man..i want to bowl more. haha... LETS GO BOWLING!

Wide Awake

My eyelids will not close when i command them to, my fingers are typing faster than usual, i have a strange headache in the back of my head and i feel like running.

Yet i'm kinda tired..i could sleep pretty easily probably.

Oh well... awake alert alive enthusiastic YAY.

okayy.. going to watch tv.. night.

Lyric Open MIC

Lets just talk about a few things shall we?

Dylan Currie- Holy fricken wow. Thats really all there is to it.. amazing. Simply amazing... thats all i'm going to say i think.. just wow. That and he has amazing control that i can't even fathem (if thats the right word...?)

Adam Cosgrove- He's Irish somewhat lol. And fricken talented as well! SO good!!

Time Warp- THEIR ALIVE!!!! They came back tonight with Brady singing instead of Ethan. Seriously...so good..they were loud..but like good loud.... unbelievable! Hurray for Time Warp!!!

Than there was a bunch of other stuff..taht was awesome too..yes. lol. But thats all i can remember..

than after we (josh, kyle, jenni, tyler, me, janelle, karluf, jayson, dylan, joel, and some random guy i don't know) went to tim's!!! it was fun..just had some coffee..good times. lol. Awesome

anyway its late and i'm tired. Night

thoughts on life

So I had a huge talk with mom last night, about things... in general I guess. And she's on my side..not that there are sides to pick..but she doesn't see what others apparently see. And I'm glad.

When approaching someone..be careful. --just a note-- you can come off wrong easy...

Life is a gift..whats that saying?--- Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery and today's a gift. Live like it.

If you want to do something involving God... you say that it's spirit led..God wants you to say this or do this or whatever...that usually should involve prayer, or it shows that it's allowed by God, but not neccassarrily driven by him.

Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what your gonna get... so you may as well try all of them right?! haha just kidding.

No matter what people say about me.. I'm not going to be stripped of the Joy that I have in Christ..and Christ alone. I know where I Stand...people can think/say whatever they want.. I don't really care.

This isn't ment to be rude... Their just reminders to myself.

ps. These are the last tears I'll shed for you.

L.O.V.E

They will know we are Christians by our love - interesting... funny how I see more judgment and hatred than love. Maybe I need to look elswhere for the love?

Headphones on.

I sit up in bed, thoughts swirling through my mind. Thoughts of Ninja, Samurai and other important details of the day. I backflip over to the light and switch it on. *click* Bright light peirces my darkend eyes, and I fumble as I stare at the clock flashing 2:11. 2:11. 2:11, and land on my bed. Warmth radiating from beneath the covers; silent whispers speaking to me in such a soft tender tone "come back to bed". Temptation is such a drag.

Hours later I regain conscienceness and am bewildered at the fact I have fallen asleep again. My light still burning, my clock now flashing 8:14. 8:14. 8:14. As ninja thoughts fight through my mind I force myself up and out of my room. There I see it's monstrocity. A giant hand layeth waiting for me. I step in, unprepared for what is to come. Samurai unfold like fans from the giant hand and begin to swing their heavy machinary with them. I should not fight, I know I will over power them. Temptation is such a drag.

After fighting them all off with my bare hands -seeing as I didn't think to grab my sword when I left my room- I gained pride, and a lot of weapons. The hand was getting sweaty, so I grabbed all I could, and steped off this hand. I knew it was not right to keep these weapons..for that would be stealing, and stealing is a sin. Temptaion is such a drag.

I lay back down in my bed and took out my headphones and reality struck. I was no Ninja, there were no Samurai, and I had just been fighting my blankets... their choice of weapon? heat. Stealthy little things...I stared at my headphones thinking what could it be. Than it hit me, it was the majical box attached to them. I knew that I shouldn't put them back on, it would take me out of reality and into my own world... Tempation is such a drag.

Pray out loud

SO tomorrow is my Doctors appt..i leave school at ten to one.. not sure what time my appt is tho. soon after. probably like 1. Anyway, if whoever reads this in time can pray during that time that the doctor just has wisdom and such, that would be awesome..and send it around? cause i really just want this to be over with..put me on mmeds and i'll be good..or give me surgery( pretty sure that won't happen) or whatever..but i just want to figure it out. *sigh*

Anaphylaxis- is an extreme hypersensitivity to an allergen causes rapid release of histamine which causes leakage of fluids which causes sudden drop in blood pressure and breathing difficulties.

Maybe this is what it is??? WHo knows... GOD tahts who! This is why we bring it to him in prayer! haha... NINJA PRAYER..except it won't be..but could be... lol. anyway thats all i have to say. So yea.. if you get this..thank you.

God Bless!

i love fairys

fearies. fairys. doesn't matter how you prefer to spell it. I Love them. They're beautiful..call me a nerd..call be lame. i don't care.. i love them lol.

boyyyyy oh boyyyyyyyyy

Way to easy to step back into those tracks...scarily easy. I don't want it. I know I don't. But it's so tempting sometimes isn't it.

defeat

Dark shadows linger beneath eyes I called my own, defeat written across tears that stain carpet. The taste of blood warm on chapped lips, inevitable death. Cold. Lonely. Scared. I reach for the phone, inches from my face, but pain – unbearable. Blood now pools around my paralyzed body. I feel myself fade into darkness. My eyelids fall, my body withdrawing the strength to keep them open. Then I hear his soft velvet voice. “Stay with me.” Amidst the confusion I do not recognize the voice, yet deep down I know it's familiar. His lips press against my pounding head. Peace embraces my soul and envelopes my existence. And there I am defeated.

Regina Jazz fusion

Yesterday was Jazz fusion, and it was a lot of fun! Our workshop was lame however... he told us things we already knew and he talked alot... and for our Desifinado workshop he didnt have anything to say because he liked it and it wasn't his style to work on.. iwas like thanks buddy.. lol anyway The Showcase was alright... Most of the choirs were not good(not to be mean..just honest) ... but our girls group kicked butt.. along with by design and desifinado. We did well... and the final group.. Audio something..haha They we're unbelievably good. a group of 7 from all over canada and USA.. it was really fun to watch them.

So it's time to go, and our group starts to leave... DURNING A FRICKEN SONG!!! How many things do you need to go to , to learn that you leave in the middle of a song BREAK..not IN THE SONG..it made me really angry.. like..reallllly angry. so i waited to the end of the song with a few others.. cause that was just rude of us. oh well..

We were on our way home.. and all of a sudden my heart when on a little rampage. I cried right away it hurt so bad... one of the worst ones yet probably. I Couldn't move and was so cold...jerrim picked me up and carried me into the hospital in Moose Jaw and put me in a wheel chair. My choir family was so awesome, none of them cared that it was 12 and we were still in moose jaw, they just wanted to make sure i was okayy... i felt bad but was told not to. haha. ANyway, Paige, her mom, and mrs. mclean stayed with me in the hospital and everyone else went home... we watited and stuff got testing...and than told to see my docter in swift to get more tests..so thats where we're at now. I'm not aloud out of my house today... so i can't go to my gig that i have. *tear* that sucks..i love gigs. but i guess i love my life more haha.. so yea. ANYWAY thats life with me at the moment...

peace.

days of the week

Yesterday was stupid.
Today was hard.
Tomorrow is a choir trip.
Saterday is a gig/juanita's party
Sunday will be another church service.
Monday will not be over soon enough
Tuesday i'll have theory
Wednesday..will bring the joys of another wednesday
Thursday is choir..again
Friday...

Friday is a day off of school. Praise God for time off of school! Loving it yo~

the last sameri

he Just kept getting up. That's what got me. The sameri beat him down 8 times at least, and he just kept giveing his all. Was it because he didn't care if he lived or died...or was it because he was a fighter.

It made me cry, because whatever the reason for him getting up, it reminded me of how our walk with christ should be. We'll get pushed down by this stupid world. It'll cut us down, beat us up, try to tear us apart. But we have to just keep getting up, and fighting for what we believe is true.

Get up. Try again. Never give up on yourself, no matter what or who comes your way.

Praising the Lord my God

Tonight mom and I were doing scholarships for myself. Oh what fun, comming up with hobbies and writing down my extra curricular things and such. Great funn ( just kidding..it was terrible) Neither of us were in very high spirits but we went to the church to photcopy somethings, and finish what we started. On our way out, we went through the sanctuary.

Funny how God can just sorta bring people together. We began to sing, first just melody, than we broke into beautiful harmonies. Praising God together brought smiles to our eyes as we laughed and gave him the glory.

*sigh*

lameness of life

I decided that if i was into the whole super lame facebook status', mine would right now be

{...I wish we were closer...<3}

Good thing i'm not lame hey? -just kidding. But really i wish me and a LOT of people were closer. Not close as in like.. i wanna marry you close, or date you close, or whatever, but close as in know eachother fully... of just talk more. I have a list in the back of my mind full of people I miss. So therefore that status would apply to so many, and they will never know haha.

So ummm----think you should all know i need prayer--- i suck at band haha. I need to learn all my parts for music festival... and uh..welll...funny thing. I SUCK AT LIFE-- not actually *cough* but it's not going to be good. Ya...anyhow.

peace.

My Heart

Something is wrong here people. 2 nights ago I hardley slept because my heart was acting up. Last night it happend again, but before i went to bed, and i woke up today with a huge pressure on my chest. Something is wrong and I can't see the doctors because they do nothing for me... they don't know whats wrong.

My mom and I are fighting and it's wierd. Uncomfortable. Stupid... She is the one person in my family i can talk to, and now i'm not even sure i have her. How stupid is that... *sigh*

I'm very tired today..and am not done theory.

But on the upside! Yesterday...Janelle and I gave a present to soemone- and it was a surprise..so we left it on their step and watched them come home and find it! It was very exciting. haha... good times..we laughed pretty hard.. it was fun. But the person definetly saw us, used their detective skills and figured out it was us...but it was still a good time.

English Paper

writing an english paper on Esther..should be easy. but wow is it hard... i'm not in my head... not with it.

I love Esther tho...shes powerful, beautiful, courages, faithful, brave, unselfish...the list goes on.

happyness

So last night i was really tired.... cause the night previous i stayed up till about 4 right? so it makes sence really... but after Romeo and Juliet ( SO FRICKEN AMAZING !!!!!) the ballet, we than had to figure out how Juanita was to get home...because we're all stupid and didn't think about it till than.. lol.

I had no gas in my truck..well i did..but not enough..and we have no money to put into it...so than we were like..we'll just take Janelles car!..but it can't drive on highways anymore..because we're all scared of it...So than we were like.....Crap..that sucks..how will you get home dear juanita?!?!?!! lol... so THAN........

We called Jay. And by called i mean texted...and was like... "hey... i have no gas and we can't take janelles car..how do you feel about a mini road trip???" And of course he came to our aid lol... but he had a bunch of friends with him..so it was kinda weird and I felt bad ..but thats okayy.

He got a new car..and it goes fast. holy crap. you don't even know. lol

anyway once we got back we went to Bp's and I met Dustin. Cool kid really... he's very knowlageable..it was fun to have conversation with him! .... anway we stayed out WAY to long..becase at like 1130 i was like..wow i'm tired man.. and than i got home at like 1 ...*sigh*.. and than got to bed at like 2 because i'm stupid and find things to do before i sleep... anyway

i have a lot to do today....
peace.