Christmas time is here...

SO it's Christmas eve and i'm sitting here thinking..wow..it sure doesn't feel like christmas. Weird how we feel things. it FEELS like monday...when its wednesday.. it FEELS like you don't care..when you do...it FEELS like the computer hates me...when it doesn't even have feelings. Anyway tomorrow is the big day. I've done all my shopping, wrapped all the gifts. I've spent to much money, but who hasn't this holiday season? For me i think this is why it doesn't feel like christmas.

i miss our huge window with the tree in front..looking out onto our deck and the beautiful view...here there is a house in our view. Wonderful. I miss the huge tree in our neighbours yard that is a peice of heavenly art work in the winter..spring..summer.. and fall. Here we have 2 huge trees in our front yard that just sit there taking up space. I miss our neighbours comming over to see if i can come sleding...here our neighbors are old, fragile, and creepy. I miss the setting of our house. I miss my home. Now more than ever i think. I don't know why.

Memories. Memories are interesting as well.. how certain things trigger them..like smells or songs... for intstance..when i smell an elephant ear i think of Disney land...when i hear the song Deathbed by Relient K i think of Breakforth. When i hear that something is brown i think of Janelle. When i Laugh i think of my mom and how her laugh has graciously past down to me. A gift really. I love it. All though sometimes it is TOO loud and i get in trouble or embarrass my self..thats okayy..becasue it reminds me of her. Memories. Whats your First memory? I don't even know. My first Christmas memory, was in wymark. Sleeping under the tree. Opening ODYESSY's ... excitement... comfort.

Comfort. What is Comfort? A temperary feeling..or Permanent. seems like Temperary... you never know what is going on in this life. Random movements you don't expect.

I am Blessed with Good friends however, and for that I am thankfull. Sorry..this has been pointless... just me rambling on. well..its 145am so maybe i'll go to bed and write again in the morning...good night..


me