Missing Home

Stars shine brightly from out of town. In town their foggy, muffled, I can no longer see them. Hatred creeps up on me and this stupid pit of a town. Angry I go for a walk. A walk with God, a time of Peace. Cold. Tears dripped down the sides of my face which made me more angry. More tears. Calling out to God I wonder whats wrong with me. I just had a great night, but coming home to an empty house... a house with my things in it, yet is not my home..not comforting..not safe. What am I doing here. As I walk I continue to question whats happening to my friends, to me, to my family, and why. More tears. Colder. Where am I going? I turn around and find an elderly couple walking towards me. Embarrassed I cross the street and continue on my way. My fingers hurt from texting, my face burns from crying, my mouth yerns for water and yet I keep walking.

Sometimes i just need to hear 'I love you'.

Texting my old best friend was comforting. A little taste of home. If I lived there still he would have been walking beside me. But I am here, and he is there. We talk like the old days. Comforting. I let a few more tears down my face as I remember how much I truly miss my home and my old friends. I have awesome friends here... but it's different. Here, I'm a visiter. Never knowing where I belong... misplaced... unaware of whats happening. There, I'm at home. There I feel Safe. My mom phones me on my Cell and asks where I am. I should have been home by now. "Coming" I say with the most expression I could dare to put in to the single word.

Back to the house. Home? no...house. I have returned once again...like every other night... to a house with my things. With my Mom awake waiting...Dad asleep tired...and brother not home, hanging with friends.

How long until it feels like home? How long must I sit and wonder why these things happen? why people are angry with me? why i miss the stars......why i miss my old best friend so fricken much.... This was last night...today... I feel the same way..but can't escape it..for I am at school...Garr. Fricken school.